Store Like a Portlander

Portland likes to keep it weird, but many of those who have lived here for a long time would argue the city has lost its edge in recent years. Across the city, at Instagrammable bars and Portland’s remaining few dives alike, debates that pit the old Portland against the new Portland rage on. 

But if there’s one thing all Portlanders can agree on, it’s that disrespecting the environment sucks. There’s nothing Portlanders dislike more than a household that doesn’t recycle. It’s why the recycling bins are three times the size of the trash bins. It’s why Portlanders go on a search and destroy mission whenever someone does it wrong.

Don’t even get them started on single-use plastics. Portlanders hate single-use plastics.

“Beer is the new startup,” they say. But nothing feels like a deeper betrayal than when a local brewery sells out to one of the big guys. 

Portland gets political about, well, everything—and beer is no exception. Buying local is embedded in Portland’s DNA. Variety of craft brew styles and concoctions are the spice of the Portlander’s life. And brewery owners who cash in on deals with multinational corporations that are actively trying to kill the craft beer industry are sellouts.

Ask any Portlander how annoyed they are when they have to stop wearing the pub gear they bought from a brewery that just got absorbed by Big Beer.

Portland is a city that likes to rebel against corporate greed and excessive consumption. “Support local” followed by the raised fist emoji and “Make local habit,” followed by three clapping emojis are go-to Instagram captions whenever Portlanders share photos of newly purchased locally crafted goods.  

Of course, they don’t buy things often. Clutter clouds the mind, changing the energy field of the room to a less than ideal state. That’s why many Portlanders commit to simple living—to downsizing their homes and reducing, reusing, and recycling.

If you want to turn off a Portlander, just get real flashy with your consumerism.

Portland used to be a sleepy west coast city that no one elsewhere really thought much about. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, it became one of the nation’s coolest destinations. With this rise in popularity came a rise in transplants.

If there’s one thing that makes a transplant stick out like a sore thumb, it’s an umbrella. Portlanders look down their noses at umbrellas. They prefer to boldly brave the elements with a water resistant hooded jacket. They scrunch their noses as if it will somehow prevent Portland’s characteristically misty rain from soaking their faces. 

Few things offend a Portlander more than the active use of an umbrella. Being a transplant is one of them.

Now you know (and knowing, as they say, is half the battle). Once you’ve finally managed to move all of your stuff from wherever it is you’re coming from—probably California, right?—we’ll help you keep those items-that-shall-not-be-named safe and sound till your transformation to true Portlander is complete and you’re ready to toss them for good.

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Thursday October 10, 2019